I have principles. One of them is: don’t do to others what you wouldn’t to yourself.
You might say it’s intuitive, logical, common sense, but what you don’t imagine is that your heart puts you to a certain level of feelings you just can’t stand waiting anymore. And so you become what you always said you’d never become: Crap…
For a few days (I cannot say weeks as I discovered the elephant on Monday), I’ve been described as someone I’m not. Well to be precise as someone I never thought I could be. And actually, if you try to understand the other person’s perception, I actually might be this someone although I didn’t ask for the situation.
Are you still there? Did I lose you on the way? Wave if you fell off the wagon.
I cannot disclose too much in here and that’s a shame because I need to let it out, but as this particular person is spying on me (Hello if you’re reading this) and as another person could be hurt, I have to be as vague as possible.
Anyway, Monday was a cruel day. Really. Bad news on bad news, trying to understand positions of others and trying to get this headache disappear from where it came from. I couldn’t be myself. No.
I couldn’t be the one I’m usually because I feel manipulation quite easily and there it was. As I already explain I’m someone who is able to control her emotions quite easily (which leads to an impossible way to let go), but feelings is something out of my reach, I can’t control them, so when the news came at the evening it was the drop too much in the ocean and I snapped because I realized someone was working on destroying my personal reputation. Someone is literally stalking me and is literally giving a version of the truth of what’s really happening while working on the other hand to place confusion in people’s mind. People I care about a lot.
How do I know ? We have acquaintances and one of them couldn’t believe that person was talking about me until (s)he showed him/her many of my profile pictures. (s)he is slut shaming me, but with no written proof. I just have “words on the street” and I can’t do much about it.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle this situation for months and I’m confused about the decision I have to make because things are complicated, but the pieces of the puzzle are getting together and I’m sure this person is just using the power (s)he has on the other one to keep her/him under control.
Well. This blabbering doesn’t make sense for you, but I had to write it down. I had to let it out somewhere.
Sorry, I’m not ready to be stabbed and do nothing.