In the end, I am a healer not a keeper

A few weeks ago I thought I found the right balance between work, artist life, second work and love relationship.

Although the situation was complex, I found myself at peace. The one peace you look for.

All of this ended brutally without any prior warnings, by getting told that there were never any feelings. Not once.

It was the first time I gave back my trust to someone as a Whole. For the first time I didn’t fear to be myself because I never felt judged and I thought this sincerity would be enough, I thought giving access to what I keep from everybody except my closest friends would be enough.

I opened my world entirely and I shouldn’t have done that…And the last time I will ever do.

I was just the healer not the keeper. I was just there on the chasing field ready to be sacrificed.

As a healer, I’ve expressed compassion, tried to understand the situation and tried to not be pushy. I think a pretty succeeded on that level, but I just burnt myself to a point I never thought I would. I feel numb and already lost a stone.

Being the bubbly me, the “culturovore” me, the sweet but honest me wasn’t enough.

I’ve learned that people always chase more. People are never satisfied with what they have.

They chase perfection, but nobody is perfect. And by this quest, people crash others on their path.

I don’t want more, I just want nice. I just want a simple and sweet relationship based on honesty and respect not a quest for more.

Xxx

Ems

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