A Reason to Breathe – Rebecca Donovan : my point of view

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Synopsis:

“No one tried to get involved with me, and I kept to myself. This was the place where everything was supposed to be safe and easy. How could Evan Mathews unravel my constant universe in just one day?”

In the affluent town of Weslyn, Connecticut, where most people worry about what to be seen in and who to be seen with, Emma Thomas would rather not be seen at all. She’s more concerned with feigning perfection while pulling down her sleeves to conceal the bruises – not wanting anyone to know how far from perfect her life truly is. Without expecting it, she finds love. It challenges her to recognize her own worth – but at the risk of revealing the terrible secret she’s desperate to hide.

Reason to Breathe is an electrifying page turner from start to finish, a unique tale of life-changing love, unspeakable cruelty, and one girl’s fragile grasp of hope.

Let me just say I have never read a book that had me so upset and on the edge of my seat the way this one did. I can’t find anything to fill the void this book caused.

I went through all kinds of emotions while reading. Fluidity and really good construction.

I literally could not put it down. I HAD to know how it ended, so I was grabing the book everytime I could and devoured  every moment.

We had a chance to really get to know the characters all worked so well together.
Something bothered me about 3/4 in the book, but I understand now why the plot and character were in there and now I realize it added to the character of Emma.
I really did feel as if I knew these characters and cared about them.
My heart was pounding at some bits and I really rallied for Emma. She was selfless and her relationship with Evan was just wonderful. The interaction between these two was just beautiful.
The ending …  Say no more!

Well Played Rebecca… Well Played!

 

I’m not dead… yet

I just really need to take back my life at some point and stop hiding although I’m pretty sure I’m the biggest embarrassment the Earth as ever carried.

I’m not sure what to do with myself, not sure I wanna live this life, not sure I wanna be the one who’s always there for everybody. If you crossed my path in real life, you know I’m someone who is positive, not always, but most of the time I am. I can get pretty upset in the traffic jam, but I also try to remain calm by listening the playlist I created for those special annoying occasion (yeah you know why the weather is terrible in Belgium).

The last two years have been hard on me (or should I say the last three years), and 2016 was a pretty awful one, but I refuse to let the “nothing”, the “depressing darkness” continue to drag me down because if I do, I will probably be dead any time soon.

That doesn’t mean I’m gonna be all about glitter and unicorns, no, I’m still dark inside, but I refuse to believe that my life is finished.

I don’t believe in love anymore, this is a fact and I’m not sure I will in the future, but I don’t want to isolate myself from friendship. The hardest part is keeping friendship alive when you don’t have any place of your own because you still have to deal with the Hell hole that was yours and you have to live back at your mom’s place because you can’t afford a rent as you’re paying the entire loan for something that is supposed to be owned and paid by two people. This prevent you to invite people, to spend time with someone that might be more than a friend as you cannot have intimacy in any way.

This is what my life looks like for nearly two years now. It’s hard not holding the grudge to someone who fled the country and left you handle everything. The someone who can have a life on his own because this person doesn’t care.

Inside I’m nearly dead, I can’t trust anybody. I hate that.

I’m not used to be suspicious about people, not that way. I just don’t let them approach me. I wanna believe I’m not dead … yet, but it’s becoming harder and harder to have faith in what’s my life gonna look like. I will hold on to hope for a little longer, but only the future knows for how long.

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Alright alright

As the « Dear Diary » main work is done, I will probably jump on another one. I only have the time to write short text and it’s fine with me.

I also would like to translate the trilogy because I’m quite sure it might have a good reception overseas.

So, I might work on it in parallel, but only if I got time for it.

I’m not sure I’m gonna keep the « Dear Diary » title. This might seem much sweeter than it is in reality. Just let me know what you think. What would you imagine reading with this title ?

The subtitle is « Into the Darkness », but I’m not convinced either by this one … Author struggle…

I’ve also decided to go on exhibitions and music gig more often. Just let me know if you want me to give a highlight. I will for the English books I will read. This isn’t an option.reasontobreathe

Actually I’m reading « A reason to breathe » de Rebecca Donovan. I don’t have much time to read, but I fixed an objective of one book per month (I will alternate French and English ones.)

Well I better dash, I need to go sleeping a bit.

Have a nice evening my dears !

XoXo

Ems

Book fair: the challenge.

For those who are not familiar with the backstage of a book fair, you might think everything is cool, everything’s fine, every person you will meet will be nice.

The closer you look the more wrong you get. How? Just because you start realizing people aren’t always the joyful and kind person you think. A lot of them are there to sell their book no matter what and it’s rare to see an author or a publisher refusing a sale to a public for whom it’s not the appropriate content.

I saw a lot of them talking shit about the readers and then suddenly they change when someone is interested in their books.

I took the habit not sitting behind my chair and let the reader come and manipulate the object, when he/she asks questions, I answer simply without saying I’m the author. And then when I ask if they want a signature, you see the smile appearing on their face. This is priceless, the smile they give you, the conversation, the ideas exchange you have with them. Not the book you will sell.

I must admit sometimes it’s hard to be in a good mood every minute, but if you look really carefully, you will find something fun to cheer you up in the hypocritical world.

I hate that hypocritical side of this world, but when you put a smile on someone’s face, this will lingers with you the following days.

XoXo

Ems

I don’t know how…

… to act as I’m interested.

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I can talk to guy, but not in French, I can be flirty, but not in French. I do meet guys from time to time, but we end up good friends, just because I cannot be flirty in French and most of them just don’t speak English or don’t want to when they come back home and that’s legit. So, I have a lot of “Men friends” which isn’t a bad thing at all, it’s just that I’m not at the right place.

I would like to go out with someone who won’t mind making the extra step to help me be who I am, and not thinking about what I want to say before I actually say it. I want someone who understands my need to sometimes express myself in a language I can express what I really want to.

Is it so unusual to have a preference to a language the people around you are not interested in, to feel this language as it was rushing through your veins? This is a bit awkward… living in a country where you can’t find someone with the same sense of humor you have because you can play with words, but… not in French…

I feel like I’m misplaced. I feel like I’m not even from here. I just feel the need to escape this place, but I can’t. I have responsibilities.

XoXo

Ems

“You don’t know how strong you are…

… until being strong is your only choice.”

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Thanks Bob (Marley) for this quote.

I couldn’t find a more powerful quote to describe what leads to be strong. I was the kind of person always showing a strong behavior, the one who never fails or crumble. The reality is totally different.

I was pretending to be strong, but inside I just crumbled a bit more each day. I refused to see what was just in front of me and continued to glue myself in a battlefield with my brain.

Then I had to admit. I still fight with this self-recognition of depression and anxiety problems, but along the episodes I accept them a little bit more each day. Every little step is important.

I authorize myself to be weak, but instead of showing a strong side, I choose to be strong when it’s needed. Don’t be fooled, I won’t cry in front of you, or if I shall it will be because I chose it to.

What is scary and reassuring at the same time is that a lot of people suffer from depression and anxiety, you feel less alone while still feeling lonely. I don’t know if does make sense, but that’s what I feel. I also noticed a lot of creative minds undergo such a struggle, so I keep faith in life and try to see the brighter side ahead.

I will let you with two songs I really love for the moment.

Enjoy…